on turning 30
by Benjamin Hughes
Copyright © 2005
I use to complain so easily
growing up
the only boy in the family
somewhat understood
that being the youngest
gave me the power to realize
that I had no power
felt as if the light switch was too far away to control
how short I was of knowledge
how a scream from mother
helped me realize that
I was not yet old enough to make my own decisions
which is something I so desperately wanted to do
I use to complain about how
the facts
were so far from my reach
how children
could be so cruel
and I being so naïve
never understood the reasons why they were
wanting to be grown so badly
thinking that this would allow me to be hidden in between the night and day of life
untouchable
yet I tried
to rush my childhood
like I rushed when riding my bike
hands stretched out
not holding the handle bars
eyes closed
freely allowing the air to rush past me
believing that the wind could somehow be like calgon,
and take me…
at eight
I would bypass comic books
disregard Atari
not pay attention to much to the other kids playing catch near my front lawn
thought of more important things that I
could distinctly spend my time
like
reading the local newspaper
walking 100 feet to the public library to study WWI and the Renaissance
flip through the pages of Shel Silverstein's, Where the Sidewalk Ends
to see if I could find the secret on how to end my youth
and begin my adulthood
well time teaches us
people learn
and as I have passed from my childhood I know that
my face
has changed
lines are more evident
the voice a little deeper
body more detailed
legs a little taller
and
spirit a little stronger
years later
as I come to my third decade
I am thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to grow up
I want so badly to dream as I did at the age of eight
to believe that my aspirations
were not so far from my reach
to know that I can still learn
still believe
still be able to grow young
even when
I am growing old
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Copyright © 2004 - Benjamin Hughes - All Rights Reserved